If you want to see a side-splitting, aisle-rolling, tear-inducing, wet-your-pants funny movie, go see The 3 Stooges. Chris Diamontopoulos, Sean Hayes, and Will Sasso are dead on with their portrayals of Moe, Larry, and Curly, and several classic Stooges bits are either alluded to or recreated. . . . Hmmm, I can see that look on the faces of many of my lady readers–and you know who you are, Amy . . . Martha . . . the rest of you in the back, there–indicating that you don’t think the Stooges could possibly be funny. Well, you’re wrong.

Yeah, I know, you don’t like slapstick humor, but it’s not the eye-poking and pie-throwing that raises your feminine ire, it’s the wild and uninhibited nature of the Stooges that really bothers you. That’s because we, the men in your life, used to be wild and uninhibited, too. It’s what attracted you to us. We were young stallions racing across the grassy plain for the sheer pleasure of feeling our legs stretch and move. But one day, the wind carried to us something new and exciting–the scent of stallionesses. We followed that scent; so enchanting and alluring was it, that we followed it over mountains and across rivers–and straight into a corral.

Yes, we were wild and uninhibited, but what is attractive at a distance is often dangerous when held close. You want to know why we don’t pick up on your hints or listen carefully all the time? Because we’re still busy contemplating how it is that we ended up in the corral. We’re busy trying to figure out how we became domesticated, a concept so vile and odious to us stallions that its mere mention makes us want to run outside and put out a fire without a hose. And what’s the theme for just about every one of the Stooges episodes? Why that they can’t be domesticated, of course. That’s why we stallions love Larry, Moe, and Curly (and Shemp, but not so much. Poor Shemp; he’s nobody’s favorite Stooge.)

So, you know what we want for Father’s Day? We want to see the 3 Stooges on Mother’s Day! Women, turn your stallion lose and gallop with him to the neighborhood theater tomorrow, and I guarantee that all you stallionesses will love it, too. I mean there’s nothing funnier than a church bell falling on a nun. Trust me on that one.