Worst Song, Ever

I found myself wondering two different things recently. First, why is it that no matter how tough the bristles on the scrubber side of the mop are, and no matter how briskly you rub, your finger nail works much better at lifting that little piece of melted cheese from the floor? Why not make the scrubber side of the mob out of Lee Press-on Nails?

Second, and this is the kind of thought you think when you’re mindlessly mopping, has there ever been a dopier song than 1968’s “Honey,” by Bobby Goldsboro? “Honey” was at the top of the Billboard charts for 5 weeks about his time 43 years ago, and is one of those tear-jerker, my-wife-died-and-now-I’m-lonely songs, but with a really weird twist. The song’s narrator is, without a doubt, the most insensitive jackass who ever lived in any 3 minutes and 55 seconds of any pop song anywhere. The woman, “Honey,” who is the subject of the song, would have been better off married to Bad, Bad Leroy Brown.

Anyway, the narrator/singer laughs at Honey for planting a tree, then rushes outside to brush the snow off the tree for fear that it will die. She runs back inside where she “slipped and almost hurt herself” whereupon the narrator—her husband—“laughed till I cried.” What? Even as an 11 year-old hearing this song, I imagined this jackass standing over this poor woman sprawled on the kitchen linoleum in a snowy puddle, laughing at her misery. It’s not her fault that she slipped, and it’s not her fault that she apparently had very little arboreal training since most trees are designed to withstand the snow, but that’s no excuse for his behavior. So anyway, Husband treats Honey pretty badly for about two years after the tree incident, and then she up and dies. Again, at 11, I always imagined that it was from complications from that fall, and now Husband feels lonely.

“Honey,” has been described by CNN’s Todd Leopold as the worst song of all time. Others have also panned the tune for its over the top misogyny.

If you’ve never heard this song before, or if you are a masochist, I present “Honey,” complete with the lyrics and Bobby Goldsboro’s hair. Don’t listen to this while you mop because you might turn the mop on yourself and try to scrub your ears off.

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About Austin Gisriel

You know the guy that records a baseball game from the West Coast in July and doesn't watch it until January just to see baseball in the winter? That's me. I'm a writer always in search of a good story, baseball or otherwise.
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8 Responses to Worst Song, Ever

  1. I had forgotten about this song, and never really listened to the words. They’re atrociously funny-bad! You’re absolutely right, the worst song ever! This is the funniest article you’ve ever written Austin. I laughed out loud many times. Thank you for your unique take on life, it never disappoints, LOL!!!

    Like

  2. Don Hoover says:

    “Jam up and Jelly tight” my my my my baby and it’s outa sight was probably a close second to that song!

    Like

  3. Had the guys at work listen everyone in tears…because it’s funny?.. or the puppy part?…wow that was bad

    Like

  4. Don Hoover says:

    Maybe a good dance song for the Friday night club, though it may be a little out dated.

    Like

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