Today, I am offering at no charge, the greatest name for a restaurant in the history of restaurantery.

If you opened a restaurant called, Wherever You Want To, you would have the most popular eatery on earth, because nine times out of ten, before anyone actually ends up in a restaurant, that person has the following conversation with the person who will accompany him:

“Where do you want to eat?”

“I don’t care. Wherever you want to.”

See?! Your restaurant would be the first place everyone would name. In fact, you could corner the restaurant business completely if you also opened

What Are You in the Mood For?

You Pick

Doesn’t Matter to Me

The name of your restaurant would be on the lips of every woman in America. I say woman because regardless of who brings up the idea of going out to eat, it’s usually the man who says, “Where do you want to go?” and it is usually the woman who says “I don’t care. Wherever you want to,” which is a lie because she does care. She does NOT want to go to Hooters or Tilted Kilt, for example, or that really loud place on the edge of town that you like because you don’t care that the bathrooms haven’t been cleaned since 1984—the barbecue is fantastic. What she really means when she says, “I don’t care. Wherever you want to,” is “Don’t screw this up; pick a place you know I’ll like.”

With my idea, as soon as the woman says, “Wherever you want to,” the man can say, “Great! Let’s go!” He has avoided any argument and may immediately grab his car keys and walk out the front door. And then walk back in because she won’t be ready that fast because she’s not dressed for Wherever You Want To, and. . . . I seem to have digressed. . . . Oh, yes.

So, there’s my idea, free of charge. Well, I’m offering it for free, but it would be nice if you sold my books there or even better, made every patron buy one. Or maybe just cut me in for 10%. Net, not gross now. Just sayin’.